Friday, 30 September 2005

Damn you, websense!

BBC News has been blocked!

Fcuking w@nkers!

BBC Sport has also been banned!

Tw@t faced cnuts!

Hopefully the masses will rebel and the infidels will be shot at dawn.

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Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"

Tuesday, 27 September 2005

PC gone mad

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1799722,00.html



--------------
"Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as
taking candy from a baby' has never tried
taking candy from a baby."

Monday, 26 September 2005

Perfect Job...

Position:
Football Model Analyst
Salary: Negotiable
Location: London
Specification
We are a growing online gaming business looking to appoint a Football Model Analyst to join our new office based in West London.
Working with a small team the successful candidate will be heavily involved in developing and refining statistical models for the company's trading operations. The primary focus is football modelling although involvement in other sports markets is also expected.
The main responsibilities are:
To develop and enhance existing statistical models.
To carry out quantitative research into various aspects of football matches.
To assist in the theoretical and practical development of mathematical tools for the trading department.
Desirable skills and qualifications are:
A good first degree or postgraduate qualification in a Mathematics related subject.
Experience in statistical and/or financial modelling.
Good programming skills in C++. Knowledge of statistical package R, and familiarity with Linux based OS.
The role will offer the successful candidate the opportunity to use and develop their mathematical skills in a relatively new and exciting area. The ideal candidate will have an analytical mind and be well organised and thorough in their work. A strong interest in sports, especially football, together with some knowledge of betting markets, in particular asian handicaps is desirable.
Candidates must be already authorized to work in the EU.


That is if it didn't involve programming

------------

"It's a funny old game"

Jimmy Greeves

Ian FYI

http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/event/18003B1F7E2D4904?artistid=905044&majorcatid=10001&minorcatid=200

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
that the system works.

Tired

I'm really tired today. And apart from tonight, i've got a really hectic week during the day and in the evenings.

Tuesday: My Dad's down in London to have a look around my brother's new flat, so I have to trek all the way down to Wimbledon for a meal.

Wednesday: Should be out with Tim watching Liverpool get thumped by Chelsea in the Champions League.

Thursday: Drinks with work after our away day on Park Lane.

Friday: Dentist / Piss up round Kensington

Saturday: My mate Ziggy's party

To top it all off I have loads of work to do with this Katrina thing. Thank god, Rita wasn't that bad.

--------------

Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you
just how busy they are.

Anon

Friday, 23 September 2005

Rita

Looks like my job's going to get even more interesting over the next few months.

Not only has Katrina kicked us in the balls. We now have Rita swinging in, due to hit America at some point tomorrow.

-------------------
My love runs by like a day in June,
And he makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
In the pathway or the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start
Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love, he is all my heart
And I wish somebody'd shoot him.

-- Dorothy Parker

Tuesday, 20 September 2005

Twat

Robbie's alien forecast

Robbie Williams is predicting an alien invasion within the next seven years.

The 31-year-old told Chris Evans on Radio 2: "I've been dreaming every night about UFOs, every night.

"I can't wait to go to sleep because my dreams have been so brilliant.

"I think they are definitely on their way, seriously. Mark my words. From now until 2012 - watch out, kids."

------------------------

"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't
immune to bullets"

-- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"

I want one

Wow! My mate James at work has just brought in his PSP. Show off! It's amazing. I didn't realise how good the graphics were going to be.

Very impressive!

Anybody want to get me one for Christmas?

P.S.

I also want a new phone and a plasma / LCD TV, so whilst your getting me the PSP, you may as well get me those as well.

----------
There is no Father Christmas. It's just a marketing ploy to make low income
parents' lives a misery. ... I want you to picture the trusting face of a
child, streaked with tears because of what you just said. I want you to
picture the face of its mother, because one week's dole won't pay for one
Master of the Universe Battlecruiser!
-- Filthy Rich and Catflap

Ross's birthday meal

Rather than e-mailing you all separately I thought it'd be easier and quicker to consolidate a few things here.

Who's going?

Definitely

Ross
Stu
Ben
Ian

Not confirmed

Tim
Kris

Where?

The Han, Market Harborough
Then the Knight's Lodge, Corby

We'll be getting a cab there and back so if you can post your thoughts up we can book things non-last minute.

-------------
Don't everyone thank me at once!
-- Han Solo

Friday, 16 September 2005

AP forever

http://www.alan-partridge.co.uk/multimedia/soundclips/soundboards/alan%20partridge.swf

Amused me for 5 minutes

------------

"A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives."

SC Movie Review 2

Spiderman II

Nothing on TV last night so I flicked through the movie channels. I didn't bother watching Spiderman II in the cinema as wasn't that fussed by the first film, but thought I may as well give it a go. It was either that or go to the gym.

Why is he so gay? He's got a totally fit bird after him throughout the film and yet does nothing. The special effects weren't too impressive for a big budget film and there was a huge lull in the middle when not a lot happened apart from Tobey McGuire becoming more gay.

Apart from that it past a couple of hours in what was quite a forgettable evening.

IMDb Rating: 7.9
SC Rating: 3 potatoes

--------
I'm going to live forever, or die trying!

-- Spider Robinson

Tuesday, 13 September 2005

A little help from my friends

http://www.footballmanager2006.net/

There's a link to the Sports Interactive website on this page, unfortunatly due to websense being an arse I can't get access to it.

There's a beta version of FM06. If you could let me know the size or perhaps if you're extra special, download it and send it to my lycos...

A free beer is the prize.

---------------------------

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to
animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for
anything connected with society except that which makes the roads
safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men and women
warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.

-- Brendan Behan

Ross's birthday

Ross's birthday is on the 22nd of September and thought it would be nice if we could get him out for a beer or two and maybe a nice meal. Last time I spoke to him he suggested doing something at the end of the month to make sure that he's had enough time to recover.

Is everyone free on the 1st of October? I'll call him tonight and get some ideas on what he'd like to do. I imagine it'll be a quiet one without too much shenanigans.

On another note, although Ross is well on the way to recovery it would be nice if everyone can continue to pop in every now and again or perhaps a quick text / call to take the piss out of Nottingham Forest's division 1 form. He must be bored senseless sitting at home all day.

-----------------

My dear People.

My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks,
and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers,
Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good
Sackville Bagginses that I welcome back at last to Bag End. Today is my
one hundred and eleventh birthday: I am eleventy-one today!"
-- J. R. R. Tolkien

Friday, 9 September 2005

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored and fucking bored 3

Help me Jebus!

I'm so fcuking bored. There are even less people in today! ARGH!

I need some bloody motivation. Anybody know where I can maybe buy some? Coffee trip for me in a minute. It's not a very good substitute but at least i'll be doing something.

It's 45 minutes before I can watch the cricket score tick along in my task bar.


--------------
"The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I almost
went back in time."

-- Steven Wright

Thursday, 8 September 2005

Excerts from the Edinburgh Fringe 2005

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. Jimmy Carr.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. Chris Addison at the Pleasance.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs. Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon.

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh*tting herself. Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night. Susan Murray at the Underbelly

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks? Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t. Susan Murray at the Underbelly

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go "What's my favourite flower?", and you murmur to yourself "Sh*t, I wasn't listening - self-raising?". Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms

The world is a dangerous place - only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face. Jeremy Limb, at the Trap

I saw that show '50 Things To Do Before You Die'. I would have thought the obvious one was Shout For Help!! Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron.

I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork ..... Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along.

Turned out it was a bloody hoax. Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms.

A dog goes into a hardware store and says "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?". The dog replies "What would the circus want with a plumber". Steven Alan Green at C34

Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. Brendon Burns at the Pleasance.

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!". Norman Lovett at The Stand.

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. Chris Addison at the Pleasance.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it. Arnold Brown at The Stand.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that. Milton Jones at the Underbelly.

----------------

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes.

-- Charles Bukowski

Wednesday, 7 September 2005

Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored and fucking bored 2

I am so fcuking bored right now!

Out of a team of 11 there are only 4 of us in right now. I haven't got much to do and am waiting for the go ahead on a big project.

Katrina

Should be quite interesting but seeing as it's so close after the event there's not an awful lot we can do. I think I might get the phone now. That'll give me something to do...

----------

Immortality consists largely of boredom.

-- Zefrem Cochrane, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8

Bikini Beach

Will wonders ever cease?

It's surprisingly addictive. The awkwardness of the poor girl trying to fill out her one hour slot interspersed with stupid idiots phoning in trying to win money.

Genius!

----------------
Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is
suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.

Aaron Levenstein

Monday, 5 September 2005

Help. I need somebody...

Those evil swines at Websense have foiled me once again.

Can anyone download the FM Finland update (30.64 MB, 01-09-2005)?

http://www.thedugout.net/download.php?latest=1

Then send it to my address.

I'll send it to you once I have a helper.

Cheers

-----------------

Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be
smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to
lose interest.