Is it bad?

Playing football manager and have come against an opposition player with the same surname as an ex work colleague who I disliked. A lot. He was a twat. 

I've directed my team to "go in hard". 

Am I wrong?

What is the fucking point of this?

I tried to make the family some cheese sandwiches for lunch today so cut some of our freshly delivered bread.  Who the fuck invented sour dough???  A friend suggested you could have an emmental cheese sandwich and then simply align all of the holes.

Big Gulp

Saw this on the train home from work on Monday.

I know we're all supposed to drink more water but imagine getting stuck behind her in the queue for the water cooler.  It's at least 2 litres!

Not the best valentines day

I even had a lovely conversation with some twat on twitter.  That was a mistake.

At least Liverpool won 0-5 against Porto

What a lazy twat

I know recycling can be a pain but it's not when the options are all there right in front of you.

The blue bin on the left is for glass only.  It clearly states, please don't put broken crockery in there.  Not only that' there are plastic cups and non recyclable waste in there too.  FFS.  It's almost as if they've gone out of their way to place everything they have in the wrong bins.  Therefore none of which can be recycled!

Useless twat

I had to get my phone repaired again today.  Looks like after the glass repair I had done a month ago on my phone camera also introduced some dust (after the fix).  So i've now had the whole camera replaced.  It all looks good but am annoyed.

I wish I had the non British aggressive twat gene that meant I could argue with a random shop worker about getting it done for free as am sure it was still in warranty.

£50 on top of the £20 I spent earlier.  Could be worse, I could have dropped my tablet in the bath on Sunday.  Oh year, I did that too.  What a twat!

At least it means my surface pro gets to see more daylight.  Other than watching stuff in the bath (where I will never take it), and it being a fair bit heavier I think I will survive.

In fairness, my tablet is 3 years old now and has had a couple of incidents where i've dropped it and cracked its screen so it's served me well.

Time to move forward.

Some photos from election night (mostly morning), I was promised a bar!

Haggling over doubtful ballot papers with the womble

The count

I was dead important

Hilarious cock and ball drawings by the electorate

The view from above

Discussing wombles

5 mins before kickoff

Instruction for the Green party team

It's a big shame about the result (4.1% of the electorate, pretty much the same votes as in 2015) but i'm immensely proud of April for all her hard work and commitment to the cause.  Throughout the campaign she's received some lovely messages from local people, it's just a shame that some people vote blindly for who they've always votes for.

I guess it must be similar to suggesting that I should suddenly support for Manchester United or Chelsea.  However, there are more important things than bragging writes down the pub.  NHS, housing, the environment or relations with our friends in Europe, so people really should take a step back and think about actual policies (and how it may effect others not just themselves) before putting a cross in the conservative box (or a cock and balls for that matter).

I have experience of this first hand as I used to vote Tory.  What a twat.

Just ordered a new mouse

Just ordered a new mouse for my new toy.

Don't worry.  I didn't get this one.  

Although I think it transforms into a coffee grinder so could come in handy.

Deliverance!

My 'funky' hat has arrived!!!!

Why?

Whenever people ask me where I live I clearly state Tonbridge.  There is no doubt in what I said.

So why when I say this they reply with a question?

Tunbridge Wells?

No, Tonbridge!

It's as if they think I got it wrong.  Twats.

Full kit wanker

On the train home last night spotted this twat. 30 mins later he was still wearing it.

Stolen

Some fcuker has stolen my umbrella, I left it semi hidden in our locker room at work over the weekend and some tw@t has pinched it.

I've emailed reception to put a company wide message out stating that it was a birthday present (it wasn't, although may be a good Christmas present if anyone's feeling generous) in the hope that someone has a conscience.

Posh chap in the city

On the way into work I spotted this chap. Ridiculous! It's either salmon pink or mustard yellow with these guys.

Am I old?

Most definitely...

I was chatting to a couple of the 'kids' at work today and they started talking about a chap called Akon. I said that I'd never heard of acorn. A mass of laughter ensued. And then more laughter.

Am I old? Should I care about the chap?

No. And I stand by my no.

Looking up his wiki page, what a twat. What a complete twat. Ex convict / borderline paedophile (proved innocent?) / r&b  / rapper.

What a role model / hero.

I'm pretty glad I've never heard of the idiot. The guys in my office are still laughing.

I'm still glad he's a nobody in my life.

What's the collective noun for broker?

Answer: Twattle

I'm in a pub waiting for a friend to turn up and have just spotted 3 brokers all sporting matching Barbour jackets and 'haircuts'. Twats!

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Are we really that dumb?

Probably, but that's not the point...

We have new signs in the men's toilets (probably in the ladies too but haven't checked yet) warning us that the water coming out of the taps can be very hot. I can only imagine someone got a little hurty and decided to make a complaint. What a twat. First of all how hot can the taps really get? Pretty hot I’m sure but you can always move your hands out of the flow of water. Second of all, there is no second of all. If you burn your hands with a tap you’re an idiot.

This is funnier though

http://moblog.net/view/181683/hilarious

Hackers

Some git hacked my hotmail account and has sent my contacts list an e-mail. Ignore it please.

What a waste of a day

Today was a total waste. I've given a guy in finance over two weeks to provide me with data for head office over in Japan. I finally received it today at around 12 but that's only after me chasing up every other day. I have a day and a half to manipulate this info and pass it on.

The intioial spreadsheet he gave me was the wrong one, the second was password protected and he didn't give me the password and the third was converted into GBP when I needed in original currency.

I now have to redo the whole thing tomorrow, with very little time to check and cross reference it with our accounts. Twat!

Idiot Neighbours

We received an official looking letter through the post yesterday from ‘concerned’ residents. Telling us that our security light had been left on since the 20th December. We knew this but don’t know where the switch was so was going to leave it till we got a man round to replace our light fittings upstairs.

They mentioned that the if we did not sort it out then they would contact the local council within 7 days to get it sorted. Why didn’t they just knock on our door and ask if it was such a problem? Absolute chicken sh!t b@stards.

Rather than letting them getting involved I got up on a step ladder in the snow last night and levered out the bulb with a wooden spoon.

Idiots!

Argh!

Bastard work shy striking ass wipes! If I don't get the new football manager tomorrow there will be hell to pay...

... or maybe not hell, just mild annoyance.

I'm also still waiting for an extra HDMI cable. Cocks! Mother flipping ass cocks in fact.