Friday 30 July 2004

Commando Sheep

Crafty sheep conquer cattle grids

The grids were installed 10 years ago after a gardener in Marsden, near Huddersfield, held stray sheep hostage.

Dorothy Lindley, an independent district councillor in the former textile town on the edge of the Pennine uplands in West Yorkshire, said: "They lie down on their side, or sometimes their back, and just roll over and over the grids until they are clear.

They eat plants, flowers and vegetables in gardens.

It is soul destroying

When you try to move them on they look at you as if to say it is their patch and you are not right in the head.

Group wants orangutang kickboxing banned

International animal rights groups are urging Thailand to ban orangutang kickboxing fights that are being staged at a Bangkok safari park.

The owners of Safari World say the fights between the orangutangs, who wear shorts and gloves, are choreographed, and that no animal is harmed.

But animal rights groups say the animals are being exploited, and are destined for a miserable end when their fighting days are over.

Cyril Rosen, of the International Primate Protection League, told the Herald Sun: "It's outrageous. There's no question of it being justifiable in any sort of way.

"Most young animals are very flexible and they do what they are told - it's what happens to them afterwards.

"Their eventual fate is an early death."

But Safari World managing director Pin Kewkacha said: "If we were doing a cruel show we do not have to let anyone tell us. We would cancel it ourselves."

The orangutangs are accompanied by bikini-clad chimpanzees who wear bout number cards.

Just found a new restaurant

The Japanese Canteen

I'm not kidding but including the time it took for me to order the food, I was literally sitting down with chopsticks in my hand tucking into chili chicken fried rice inside 1 minute.


It was fast.

I'll probably die of food poisoning now due to the undercooked food, so far so good


It was tasty.


It was cheap.

I won't tell my brother about it yet, i'll wait until it's my turn to pay.

He, he.

Thursday 29 July 2004

Just spent £75 on 3 ties

It's bloody expensive working here

Suit £250
Shoes £130
Shirt £50
Tie £25
Cuff links £60

= £515 = Rip off

Has it made?

After a couple of over priced foreign beers from Corney and Barrow after work (£3.40 for 330ml) I walked to Cannon Street Station in the searing heat.

I got on what I thought was a train but in fact in turned out to be a sauna. Luckily it knew the way to my stop and I was deposited at the lively station of Deptford.

Market day. Or at least the aftermath of market day. Jeez. People can be so messy. Good job we have dustmen and road sweepers every day. It was clean in no time.

Anywho, when I got back I had a lovely meal ready for me as I opened the door. Plus one of the girls offered to iron one of my work shirts.

That's when my spider-sense kicked in.

What could these women be up too? What do they want with me? As far as I was concerned, there were no jars that needed loosening, no spiders that needed hounding. Had they spiked my food? Put itching powder in my shirt?

None of the above. I suspect they were just being nice.

Wednesday 28 July 2004

Testing 1 2 take 3


My name is Stu

Ross's Mum

Ross's Common Sense Gland

Stu is an idiot

Tuesday 27 July 2004

John Prescott takes the helm

John Prescott is now officially running the country - and the government has launched a new leaflet telling people how to handle disasters.

Is there a link?

Mildly amusing story from BBC News.

Keep on running...

I've managed to go running 7 times in the last 16 days. And that includes my long weekend away (7/12).

I'm really quite impressed with myself. It's so easy to just kick your feet up and crack open a nice cool beer after a long hard days work (those that know me, know that I don't do many of those).

The last thing I want to do is put on my kit and go running in the Summer heat. But so far i've managed it these past few weeks. The important thing is to just do it. Stop the internal whining that's going on in my brain and just go out.

I actually enjoy it once i'm out and about. It helps clear my head and allows me to think clearly about certain things on my mind. Plus I get to tone my adonis like physique as an added bonus. He, he.

Monday 26 July 2004

One more tick in my perfect location in London guide

I've found a greasy spoon in Greenwich!

I think I could certainly live there in the not so distant future.

Good points

Beautiful parkland
Great pubs
Nice Georgian houses
Easy / quick route into work / central London / home
Lovely ladies

Bad points

No club except a comedy club (may have to find a pub with a lock in)
Too touristy

The joys of working in my department

Free Jaffa Cakes
Free Twixs

and the piece de la resistance

Free Kit-Kat Chunkys

I think man for man, were around a stone heavier than any other department on our floor if not the city, if not the world.

I only ever see my boss when he does the 'Walk of Shame' and walks round everybody's desk to the snack cupboard.

Friday 23 July 2004


A high of 28 yesterday if a little too muggy resulting in a spectacular scene of thunder and lightning last night, wow! Silly me, in my excitement left all of my skylights open and quite a bit of rain got in. Brings a new meaning to sleeping on the wet patch.

Just been out for lunch with my brother Steven and will be out tomorrow night in a new pub he's found near him in Clapham. I shall certainly sample a few beers, a few ciders and a few shots. I've not had a drink since Sunday which is a probably my longest time without a beer since puberty.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a specific type of major depression, one which reoccurs at specific times of the year.

The doctors have it all wrong. It doesn't happen because it's less sunny in the Winter months, it's because it's much colder in those months. Women are notoriously sensitive to the cold weather and insist on having the heating turned on full blast for 75% of the year. On these 'cold' days women wear much more clothing making everyone else unhappy.

Bring on global warming and turn all thermostats to high. This is the Summer and i'm happy.

Free red wine for every women

Red wine - good for the breasts

Red wine is the latest craze in the beauty salons of Buenos Aires where it's said to tighten the stomach and firm the breasts.

I'm going for the job of chief cream applier.

Monday 19 July 2004

Long weekend break to Jersey

Just had a pretty wicked weekend in lovely Jersey.

Wow! The place is fabulous. Best weekend in ages. I went over to see my good friend Shaheen.

Friday: House party round a Kiwi nurses place. Very good fun indeed. Then moved on to the doctor's mess where we played a bit of pool.

Saturday: Ferry trip to St Mayo, France. Very similar to St Michelle (You've been there Ben). I bought a few paintings for my room. Later on we went to a couple of bars, one of which had a live band. Best band i've seen for a while. All covers but all well done. Then on to a club, and then back to the mess for more pool.

Sunday: Beach walk then barbecue on the beach, got pretty burnt but it was worth it. Then on to another few bars then onto another club.

Monday: Excellent fish resuarant for lunch, then went to a driving range to smack a load of balls, all good fun.

Just got to the airport and guess what.

My return flight was booked for next Monday!!!!!! Shit! BA had no more flights going to Gatwick so i've got to fly to Coventry. I didn't even know they had an airport. Good thing was that it's only £60. Could have been worse!

What a complete and utter numb nuts!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to try and catch a train tonight back home but may have to get up really early to commute in.

Friday 16 July 2004

Rock and Roll

Lionel Ritchie and Lenny Kravitz break up nightclub brawl

But who would win in the celebrity death match?

Thursday 15 July 2004

The Lloyd's 56 building is being demolished

Out of the window next to me at work they're demolishing the old Lloyd's building. It's pretty mad how they're doing it.

Basically they've craned up 4 or 5 big JCB things on caterpillars and they're ripping it apart. Mad! I now walk into work via a different door just in case.

£19,000,000 lotto win

It's a fix. It was my turn to win. I deserve it far more fat old people who work in factories.

Wednesday 14 July 2004

Lovely Bones

Any body read it?

I was handed this book yesterday as I was rushing out of the house to catch my train.

It shocked me. I can't say that it isn't a good book but it was hardly what I wanted to read on the way into work.

A young girl of 14 get raped and murdered in the first chapter and the story is about how her family and friends cope. It's told from the perspective of the murdered girl from heaven.

I usually have nice dreams, in fact very good dreams, but last nights were disturbing, not very nice at all. It's all put me in a very odd mood.

It's raining it's pouring...

... the old man's snoring.

Don't you just love getting soaking wet on the way into work? Even with a full length rain coat and an Umbrella I'm sitting at my desk soaked.

I think Ken Livingston instead of increasing the congestion charge for large cars should concentrate on more important issues that the people of London really care about.

Only allowing rain during work hours with an hours break at lunch time so people can eat their lunches outside.

It's not asking much.

Monday 12 July 2004

Funniest story of the week award goes to...

One plucky entrepreneur is currently selling authentic bottles of Princess Diana Fountain water on e-bay.

Current price is around £2.50 for a 500ml bottle.


Friday 9 July 2004


I'm also looking forward to going on holiday (again, if it gets organised).

So far it's myself Ben, Ian and Ross although Tim also expressed a maybe.

Current plan is the week starting Bank holiday August, 30th August-5th Sept.

Coincidently my birthday is on the 31st.

Wednesday 7 July 2004

My new hobby

My new hobby is taking instant dislike to people.

I was waiting for the train this morning and I cought a woman in my periferal vision. It looked as though she was smoking so the first thing that came into my mind was that I hated her.

On closer inspection she wasn't smoking afterall, but my initial reaction to hate her stayed.

Coyote Ugly

Not a bad film for a chick flick. The soaking wet fit women kept my interest.

The thing that got my goat (Why is that an actual saying?) is LeAnne Rhymes.

What a f'ing stupid name. Is she French? I hate her and I haven't even met her.

Long weekend in Jersey

To go to Jersey or not to go to Jersey, that is the question.

Whether 'tis acer in the mind to suffer
The Shaheens and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of piss taking,
And by opposing end them?"

-- From Stulet (IV, iii, 86-92)

Not sure if I should pay may Dad off yet or go to Jersey to see Shaz. This is one to ponder.